It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Shame - the story of my life.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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