So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
