let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
50% drunk capacity currently
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
