I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
