i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
