nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
