I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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