How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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