Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
