Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
