What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
