God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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