yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
