Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
