apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
