I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
