Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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