thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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