only you would photoshop your dick
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
