Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
