i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
