Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
