I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
