jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
