Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
