8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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