I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
