Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
