Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think i got beer on your cat.
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