It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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