Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
