Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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