I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
