My first STD was from a foam party
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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