but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
whose ass print is on the piano?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
