I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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