I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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