well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The power of my boobs compel you
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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