Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
