we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
