apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
