I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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