Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
