What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
