pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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