is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
