I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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