Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Found the puke drawer
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
