My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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