shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
